He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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