Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
