Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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