Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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