I hate your face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
