As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
