Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
