I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
