some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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