I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
