Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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