i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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