I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
