What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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