I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
