The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize