May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
