u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
