At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
