I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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