She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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