will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
