i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
