dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
