She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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