you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
