when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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