I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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