Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Say something about gay babies.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
