The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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