Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
