sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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