Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
