A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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