I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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