Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
