I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
