Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
