I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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