I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
