the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
