The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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