My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
