She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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