I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
