Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
