When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
