You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
