I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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