Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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