Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
