you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
